Anne Hathaway Catwoman

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I'm getting woefully behind with writing up proper movie reviews. Several films have come and gone before me with nary a whisper - I haven't been particularly inspired enough by any of them to force words out of myself... but I should. Force myself, that is. So I'm gonna lop out a few thoughts on several films in one go. Let's see what happens! This is so exciting!

The Devil's Double - A weirdly airless film that can't decide how far it can push the Scarface movie it wants to be without, you know, exploiting the real-world atrocities it's documenting as gangsta cred. It would've been better off going one way or the other - and I would've had it go straight off the deep end, honestly - but as is there's not much tension to be had. Good Dominic Cooper stays good and Evil Dominic Cooper stays evil, and they just kind of sit there and watch each other be respectively good and be respectively evil for two hours. All that said, this tweet contains immense truth that made the viewing experience occasionally dizzying. Good god this movie will do well in The Great Gratuities of 2011.

Cowboys & Aliens - I tweeted an echo of the tweet I just linked to in honor of the spectacle that was Daniel Craig posing in chaps, and that remains my most vivid memory of the flick here less than two days later. What else was there? I mean, besides the same goddamned boring creature design that I railed against a few weeks ago? Slapping some goopy "Benny from Total Recall" arms into their guts does not alleviate the fact that these were basically the same things we saw in District 9 and Super 8 and every damned alien movie forever now. I suppose lamenting the state of creativity in Hollywood is skull-fucking a dead horse at this point but it's especially exhausting when it comes to the monster makers. I want good monsters, people! There's a universe of insane concepts out thereand I keep getting stupid bug-men!

Otherwise C&A wasn't offensively bad - Harrison Ford actually appeared to be sober and paying attention this time! And the film took its time and had people actually talking about things to each other, which somehow seems an extraordinary accomplishment these days. But you know how Daniel Craig's jangly little bracelet would light up to warn them whenever an alien was nearby? All that made me think of was the pulsing alien detector in James Cameron's Aliens, you know the one - "They're all around us, man! Jesus!" - and oh how this movie suffered in comparison.

Crazy Stupid Love - I know I'm not the only person who came out of this movie wishing the entire thing had been about Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone's characters but good god did those two have sparks or what? Everything else going on I just kept wanting to get back to them. That island of time in the middle where Ryan's shirtless and Emma's being her goofy spazz self was a little slice of heaven. I didn't mind the storyline with the teenagers - I appreciated it's non-ballistic point of view towards teen sexuality (kids masturbate and take dirty pictures of themselves and it's not the end of the world!). But I kind of thought everything having to do with Steve Carell and Julianne Moore and Marisa Tomei was way off-key.

Sucker Punch - I was sort of mortified about halfway through Sucker Punch to realize that yup, once again I was finding myself, despite my own sanity begging me not to, mostly liking a Zach Snyder movie. There's a clarity to the way he shoots action that I deeply admire - I hear people scoffing at his patented speed-up slow-down way of shooting and focusing in on movement but I love it. Do we prefer Michael Bay throwing our eyeballs into a blender? Snyder's camera pulls way way out so you can see everything - and some of the scenes he fills the frame with here are ridiculously eye-pleasing - or it swoops through the action fascinated by the ballet of it. And I liked that it wasn't slavishly obsessed with prattling on about the rules of the fantasy world either (cough Inception cough) - it set out a couple of ridiculously basic video-game goals (find the map!) and then let the visuals rip from that, and it knew that sometimes ya just gotta throw in Gwar-outfitted orcs for good measure.

But well-shot action aside, Sucker Punch suffers an exceptional lot for its PG-13 rating. Like The Devil's Double it's afraid to go where it needs to to be the movie it needs to be. Where it needs to be has lots of blood and lots of nipples and lots of lesbian heavy-petting, in case you were wondering. It has the imagination but its balls, if not exactly cut off, have kinda shrunk up inside its body. Plus nobody on-screen is even a tenth as compelling as Carla Gugino is as the lost Russian instructor from the Suspiria dance school in a latticed bustier and spackled-on beauty mark. I vant to suck your movie out from underneath you, she cries. Just let her, Zach!

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I was a big fan of the first Paranormal Activity movie (my review). I know it wasn't everybody's cuppa but I loved the slow build and the way it forced you to just stare and stare at a static image until you thought your brain would snap from the tension. In the way that The Blair Witch Project mastered its teeny tiny budget through an electrifyingly creative manipulation of its sound-design so I felt that PA pulled a similar trick with its rigid visuals, turning a limitation to their favor.

Unfortunately the second film mucked it all up (my review). There were too many cameras around the house that they kept editing between, slicing any mounting tension up into ineffectual ribbons.

Plus the characters went way too far above and beyond the call of unbearable douchiness. Micah and Katie were deeply flawed characters in the first film - some might call them, and many did, monstrously annoying - but the movie was smart about it, I thought, and seemed to have built their less-than-savory aspects inextricably into the tale they were telling. Their passive-aggressive relationship became a game of one-upmanship and the final frame brought the game, and the camera and the home, crashing down. The awful people in the second movie were just ciphers with no interaction between who they were and what was happening to them. The film never found a purpose, and ended up treading stale steps in the first film's much more successful wake.

Point! We now have a teaser trailer for the third film.

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(via) So it's a prequel way back to the 1980s with the two sisters as little girls who've got access to what would have been at the time super-expensive crystal clear video technology. Mkay. What makes me most sad about this is we won't get to see any more of Micah.


Bye Micah! You were a sexy asshole. The most curious thing here is the fact that this is coming from Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, the directors that made last year's buzzy curiosity Catfish (my review), the questionable documentary of a slightly adorable dorky New York douche getting caught up in a sad lady's Facebook espionage. I was pro-Catfish for the most part but didn't really keep up with it once it came out and people began picking it apart.


Anyway I am curious to see what these chaps might bring to the Paranormal table. Catfish was sold as a horror movie but really didn't end up being that at all. But it still managed to wring a lot of tension from that curiosity before you knew what was coming. I vividly remember being freaked out when Nev & Co. get to that horse-farm late at night and are peering through the darkened windows of the barn. So they can maybe handle suspense? I guess we'll see. PA3 is out on October 21st...


... which is a date that's making my brain question a question: What horror movies are we getting for Halloween this year? The Saw franchise is blessedly over and blessedly done with its nearly-decade-long campaign of ruining the holiday, and I thought we were getting Cabin in the Woods but as we found out this morning it turns out that's not coming out until April.

So as long as this is on our brain, let's take a look-see at all the major horror movies coming out between now and All Hallows. (There will probably be smaller films that will get scheduled between now and then that we're unawares of just yet.)


-- The only horror movie out before July is over - if you don't count The Smurfs - is the "teenage British thugs vs. aliens" movie Attack the Block on July 29th, which I reviewed right here. I had a fairly complicated reaction to the film and I'm still sort of plagued by it. Fantastic monster design and some wonderfully staged action scenes though, even if I'm not sure they didn't ruin everything with an erratic tone and possibly irredeemable main characters.


-- In August we get Final Destination 5 on the 12th and the Fright Night remake on the 19th. I've stopped writing about the latest FD movie because I can't look at any more trailers or pictures, I don't want to spoil anymore of the deaths than I already did with the first trailer, but I wanna see this like crazy, like I do with every installment. I hump this series to death. I think Fright Night looks generally terrible but Toni Collette and Sexy Vampire Colin Farrell might get me there anyway.


-- The Guillermo Del Toro produced remake of Don't Be Afraid of the Dark starring the soulless Katie Holmes and the asstastic Guy Pearce is out on August 26th.

-- Shark Night 3D - from the director of two Final Destination movies, including my favorite the second one! - is out on September 2nd. The trailer for this movie is just absolutely awful, but my FD-loving brain keeps arguing with me about it. Whole conversations have been had inside of my head! Crazy ones!


-- Also on September 2nd comes Apollo 18, which is "Blair Witch on the Moon." Space horror isn't done often enough if you ask me - it don't get much more isolated than that! I hope there's a shot of someone being killed reaching towards Earth in the sky for help. That'd be neat-o.

-- September 9th brings us Contagion, Steven Soderbergh's global pandemic movie with an impressively starry and serious cast. Winslet, Paltrow, Law, Damon, Cotillard, and wait what's this John Hawkes! Love him.

-- The closest thing to horror on September 16th is the Straw Dogs remake but that might just be terrifying us because of the basic fact that they remade Straw Dogs. It does have lots of violence and rape though so close enough. But it also has Alexander Skarsgard and Jimmy Marsden swanning around half-naked and there's nothing scary about that. Stimulating, yes. Intimidating, definitely. But certainly not anything even approaching scary.


-- Dream House, which we just saw the shirtless-Daniel-Craig-ified trailer for yesterday, is out on September 30th.

-- As is Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil, the supposedly pretty funny horror-comedy starring Alan Tudyk and Reaper's Tyler Labine as two innocent hillbillies caught up in bloody shenanigans. I think the idea is that they get mistaken for serial killers by a bunch of stupid vacationing college kids who then try to kill them as if they're in a horror movie fighting off Jason Voorhees. And it's a really fun idea.


-- The Thing remake is out on October 14th. We just saw the first trailer for that last week. Love the cast and want it to be good but it has been sitting around gathering dust for a little while now. That could just be due to factors other than its worth though - I think, like Cabin in the Woods, it got held up due to studio problems.

-- Also out that same day, at least in limited release, is The Skin I Live In. It's Pedro Almodovar's newest movie. It reunites him with 80s man-muse Antonio Banderas, and it's apparently very dark and very creepy. The teaser trailer scared me. All of these things are making me want it something insane.


-- On October 21st, the same day as PA3 is out, Kevin Smith's Red State finally gets a proper release after Smith toured the country earlier this year with it. But from what I hear it's not really the horror movie it's been sold to be either?


-- Same day, another indie weirdo cult movie (as in a movie about a cult) that got talk at Sundance - Martha Marcy May Marlene also isn't really a horror movie in the oogie-boogie slobbery monster sense but it's supposedly pitch-black and horrifying in its own way. Plus it has John Hawkes again and I will mention him whenever I can. Hi again John Hawkes!

As of right now there's apparently nothing scary scheduled for October 28th, which seems bonkers. Expect something to pick up the slack, I imagine. After Halloween we're into Oscar season so there's not as much spooky scheduled - I refuse to categorize the Twilight movies as horror (except for what they say about our culture); Piranha 3DD is supposedly out on November 23rd - perfect for taking Grandma to over Thanksgiving holiday!; David Fincher's Girl With the Dragon Tattoo movie will presumably be pretty horrific a la Straw Dogs with the violence (a lot specifically of a sexual nature) and the throbbing NIN techno; The Darkest Hour has Emile Hirsch fighting killer aliens.   

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As I opened up this here just released first trailer for Dream House, the horror thriller from director Jim Sheridan starring Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz and Naomi Watts, I fully expected to be crafting a post around the distinct lack of shirtless Daniel Craig therein. On the surface this just did not seem like the go-to project for Danny to be seen stripping down  - one look at the lack of perfect Patrick Wilson nakedness in Insidious earlier this year and you'll understand my mindset. I doubted his commitment... and that was my downfall. Because according to this trailer he's seen half-naked in at least three scenes, and is outfitted sufficiently snugly otherwise.

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No word on who he'll be playing, but Luna Lovegood's big poppa bear Rhys Ifans is joining the cast of the next James Bond film, which naturally sends me back to their kiss in the great and underrated 2004 film Enduring Love. Not the sexiest smackaroo in the book since it was such a creepy moment, but perhaps they can rectify that with this here second chance. Said Ifans once:

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... from the latest Cowboys and Aliens trailer?

Happy Sunday.

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--- Spy's Guys - Naomie Harris, the plucky lass so good in 28 Days Later, is Miss Moneypenny in the next James Bond film, which is great cuz we like her, but even better is word that Javier Bardem and Ralph Fiennes are pretty much locked in. Anyway I am going to have to demand a three-way between them and Daniel Craig. Demand! Wedge it in the plot somehow. They always find time for sexiness with James Bond somewhere. Maybe they can do it while on a helicopter that's on fire falling towards the ocean. Alright, where's my screenwriter credit?

--- Killa Thrilla - I haven't linked to the new trailer for Final Destination 5 yet because I heard it gives away absolutely everything to the movie from start to finish, and I ain't playin that. But with that in mind, if you don't care, click over and watch it. I'm holding out though. Just a little over a month to go!
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--- Pearl Clutcher - If you missed the first clip of Meryl Streep aping Margaret Thatcher in The Iron Lady that premiered online yesterday, you can see it over at The Film Experience. Love that I'm not the only one who saw some Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in there! Don't fuck with her, fellas! Anyway people seem generally a little bit skeptical, surprisingly? Which opens the door for Tilda to win her second Oscar, right? Yay Tilda!
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--- Whites Of His Eyes - Huge thanks to Bob Turnbull for cluing me in to this gallery he arranged of some incredible super-subtle gifs from several movies. The one from Full Metal Jacket is the stuff of nightmares. Stare at this for a minute:

--- Barely Bear Jew - Eli Roth says he's still working on the script for Endangered Species, his end-of-the-world movie, yadda yadda, same bullshit for years now. So very tired, Eli. So tired.

--- Big scoop! BD talked to Kit Harington - aka the bastard boy Jon Snow on A Game of Thrones - about his work on the Silent Hill sequel and he called the film "horrific" of all things! That's crazy! Alright I'm being a smart-ass, but this collection of banal quotes from him that they've assembled randomly on a page over there is sloppy enough to warrant my irritation. Yet I link just so's I can post a picture of Kit... so cheap, I am... but look at that pout! I wanna flog his direwolf so bad.

--- And finally, we want to wish Jarett at PopWrap the fondest of farewells. He closed up the site earlier this week and the internet's already been the poorer for it. He's off to the West Coast and we miss him already.

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Esquire's got Daniel Craig on their cover this month and in their interview with him he talks a bit about The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo:

But it was this bit about shooting Rin Tin Tin's Starlight Unicorn Express with Steven Spielberg that amused me most:

Daniel Craig, you should be well aware that you of all people have nothing to be ashamed of while wearing a skintight leotard. I for one would love to meet you while you wore such a thing. I'd cherish it.

And here's a little bit that he offers on Cowboys & Aliens, which is what the interview's technically press for:

Esquire: Does the movie have a political heart, or what?

Craig: No... it can't, I don't think. Because it's got cowboys and aliens.

Today I'd rather be...

... taking the plunge with Daniel Craig!

Guess what, you guys? It occurred to me this weekend when gay marriage passed that a totally awesome idea would be for me and Daniel Craig to sneak off and get secretly married and not tell anybody about it until it's like a whole week later. Wouldn't that be totally awesome?

What... what? WHAT? Damn you, Rachel Weisz! Damn you to hell! Or you know, congratulations, whatever.

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--- Cowboy Craig - Every time I think I might be a little bit excited about Cowboys & Aliens they throw a shot of Olivia Wilde at me and the stench returns. God I just don't like her! Stop trying to make her happen, Hollywood! Anyway the special effects in the latest trailer have pretty clearly been touched up since the first one and are looking pretty excellent at this point, plus that hint of Daniel Craig tummy to the left there is appetizing. But then, her.

--- Get Wise To Whedon - It'll take a Joss Whedon shout-out to get me to direct you to quotes from Robert "Ugh" Downey Jr. - he was at "The Hero Complex Festival" this weekend, which is apparently a thing that exists, and spoke upon how The Avengers shoot is going. Apparently it is going well. Yup, that's it!

--- Eve Of Adam - Everybody's favorite giant-headed everyman (I say that with adoration) Adam Scott has signed on to new upcoming comedies, including that one where Seth Rogen and Barbara Streisand play a mother and son on a road trip.

--- Bring Me Shadow - Finally some more information on that HBO series based off of Neil Gaiman's excellent book American Gods (via):

--- In Space No One Can Hear You Honk - Now here's a sequel I can get behind! They're making The Return of the Killer Klowns From Outer Space in 3D! Can I get a whoop whoop? I can't believe I've never done a Thursday's Ways Not To Die from that film; it's full of 'em. Classic schlock! They'll never live up to the original, but I suppose it could be fun watching them try. In 3D no less! This - this being squirting flowers and honking noses - is what 3D was invented for. Take notes, James Cameron.

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I'm sure most of y'all caught that cammed version of David Fincher's The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo trailer that leaked the other day - hell I watched it about five times over the weekend. The fact that I can't yet download Trent Reznor and Karen O's cover of Led Zeppelin that adorns it is making JA a very sad boy. Anyway the official US green-band trailer's here now, and you can watch it right on here.

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Insanely this omits my favorite shot in the leaked version (which you can still watch here, although they've been snatching these up so look quickly) , so I went back and capped that now.

What is it about Daniel Craig without a shirt on and covered in blood? It is always good. It is something to get you through the day.

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