Anne Hathaway Catwoman

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Nat asked we TFE contributors several Harry Potter themed questions this week over at The Film Experience, and we answered them, and you can read both the questions and the answers right here at this link here. I came out the most pro-Potter, and I'm proud as a pickle of it! I don't know how proud pickles are but I got caught up in my alliteration. But there's an amazing In Bruges joke to be had at that link so have at it. God I need to rewatch In Bruges for the 20th time immediately.

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I've obviously got to write something about the final Harry Potter movie here, but it's a hard time to focus these days. Every spare second I have I'm plowing through George R. R. Martin's A Dance of Dragons (I'm on page 738! Only thirteen thousand more pages to go!) and that's where my head is when I'm not completely unable to think due to A/C problems like I spent the second half of yesterday dealing with. NI haven't even written a review of Miranda July's The Future yet, for god's sake! So behind, so behind. Summer just kills my ability to function. Point being, I have no idea what I'm about to write but let's just wing it. This will be very exciting for all parties! Here are five thoughts as they come to me on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. Spoilers ahoy.

1. Okay I did do a smidge of preparation for this - EW's got a full-length recap of the movie up and I read though that. And it reminded me of one thing I'd forgotten - Harry Potter's supposed to be completely starkers in that post-Avada Kedavra "afterworld" meeting with Dumbledore at the white-light train station. Cheated! I'd totally forgotten that. I mean sure it was always a little weird, naked Harry hanging out with his elderly homosexual friend. But it was IMPORTANT. That's an even bigger slight then the lack of centaurs and house elves at the Battle of Hogwarts, or the absence of Luna and Neville in the post-script, I says.

2. Even though I started crying about a quarter of the way into the movie and was a blubbering mess by the final reel, I think they missed the mark a little bit with this movie as a whole. There were huge pieces I loved and little pieces I loved but somehow it never really clicked together as a full movie, I guess? It was more a series of periods and exclamation points, with a couple of questions marks tossed in for good/bad measure. Everybody was good, the film looked and sounded gorgeous, but the script could've maybe used some work. It felt a little bit rushed like they turned their eyes to the side of the soundstage and could see the guy swinging the keys ready to close up and they were ready for supper anyway so let's get this thing done already! One of the biggest problems for me is probably how insulated everything felt at this point - I don't think they got across the danger that the entire world was facing here. Everybody was holed up at Hogwarts and we hardly saw a single Muggle - they did give us a sense of this in Half-Blood Prince with the Millenium Bridge collapse, but a reminder was needed, I think. (Maybe I just wish there'd been more Fiona Shaw.)

3. That said, the Snape flashback sequence got me right in the gut. Rickman's youth-ening CG botox job was a little bit distracting - Trent Reznor got stung by a bunch of bees! - but they really managed to slam a lot of emotional bang-for-their-buck into that succinctly-edited sequence; Rickman has always been a stand-out of course but I found myself surprised by just how much I appreciated every second we got with him this time. The way he could draw out a syllable will never be equaled.

4. Also welcome was finally getting to hang out with Ralph Fiennes for awhile. Voldemort makes some abysmally dumb decisions (granted they're written off as a by-product of his soul being murdered piece by piece, and until you've had your soul murdered piece by piece you shouldn't judge, but still - you're really not gonna check Harry's pulse yourself there, V-man?) but Ralph squeezes every ounce of sibilant villainy there is to be had from the slit-nosed cretin. Bonus points go to Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix, who kept bouncing around behind him reminding me of those straight-jacketed monsters that hung out with the Gentleman in the "Hush" episode of Buffy. Her impersonation of Emma Watson's Hermione in the Gringotts bank-robbery scene was kinda mind-blowing.

5. Alright, I made it to five! I guess all that's left is to slather on some of the hearty gratitude we fans feels towards JK Rowling for imagining this world up and to David Yates and the other directors and all the immensely talented craftspeople who created the world over the course of eight films. At a certain point in the film that Twilight-belittling quote of Stephen King's popped into my head:

Snipe if you will, the studios and the publishers and the toy companies have made more money than they'll ever know what to do with, sure, but I do think that the fictional tale of Harry Potter has in its own little way made the world a better place. Personally, when I reflect on it as I did watching it unfold its final grace notes, it made me want to be a better person, to be a better friend. I know I'm not the only one.

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Okay everybody, this is it! I'm off for the remainder of my birthday - did I mention that it's my birthday? - to do birthday-ish things, as one does on their birthday, three whole days of birthday-ish things - hooray for Friday birthdays! - can I say the word birthday again? Birthday, birthday, birthday! Anyway poof, I'm gone. Y'all use this post to tell me what you think of Harry Potter of course! I'll be seeing it tomorrow, but I'm sure some of you guys have already seen it. Share! (Birthday.)

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I've gotten several emails slash notices this week about the sudden revelation of hotness by Matthew "Neville Longbottom" Lewis, which has amused me. Not because I don't agree that he's both very cute now and it was also sort of unexpected and sudden - granted, I really hadn't been paying attention - but just the volume of it. It was all over this week!

Course everything Harry Potter was all over everything this week. I actually saw hooded figures running through the subway last night and became afraid I was about to become part of some ritualized sacrifice until I realized they were wearing Potter robes and were way too nerdy to be scared of. (Bless their nerdy hearts.)

Anyway in honor of Mr. Lewis' torrent of tap-that-ass goodwill, we see fit to ask this here question. And I think we should apply this to either or, or both if you want to, the actors and the characters. Which of this trio would you slip under the invisible cloak with for a lifetime of loving (Marry, that is), which would just yank the wand of for one fitful night of Potterized passion (Do, that is), and which would get the cruel Expelliarmus spell right outta your life (Dump, that is)?

So let 'er rip in the comments,
ya bunch of filthy Deatheaters.

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Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

Of course we'd do a Harry Potter death this week, what with the final film out at Midnight (!!!) tonight. But which one, I asked myself. There aren't really that many on-screen deaths to be had. (You know, as opposed to all those other gratuitously violent kiddie stories - you know Christopher Robin was butchering people left and right.) We've already done the untimely (or timely, depending on your mood towards him) murder of Robert Pattinson's character Cedric Diggory in The Goblet of Fire, so that only left...

... but since I've already spoiled this here death of Sirius Black I'll not go naming everybody that dies. Just in case somebody doesn't know these things. I don't know. There are people like that. Weirdos.

Anyway, I picked the death of Gary Oldman's character, Harry's godfather Sirius Black. I picked it because I think that even more than the death of Cedric Diggory this scene marks a real leap towards maturity in the series with its acceptance of death's unfathomability. The deux ex machina of this strange doorway that the gang finds marking a one-way entrance into the world of death is one of Rowling's most poetic creations of all - it's infuriating in a way death is and should be shown to be. The line is so close you can touch it - you can reach out and there it is. But there's nothing that can be done. There's no coming back from it; no rescuing Sirius back. Once he's crossed over it's as if nothing and everything has changed at once, and the frisson is maddening. I can only imagine what this lesson was like for kids who were approaching it for the first time. 

On that smiley note,
happy Harry Potter weekend everybody!

Previous Ways Not To Die: Sunken Prayers -- Super Crack -- Brains Blown -- Fur For The Boogens -- White Hot Bunny Rabbit Rage -- Dragged To Hell -- The TV Van That Dripped Blood -- Don't Mess With Mama -- Heads Ahoy -- Martyred For Sheep -- Heads Nor Tails -- He Loves Me Knot -- The Great Bouncing Brad -- Miss Kitty's 8 Mishaps -- Boat Smoosh -- Meeting the French-Tipped Menace -- A Magic Trick -- Slick Suck -- We Who Walk Here Walk Alone -- Raptor Bait -- Kneegasm'd -- Dare to Dream in Fincher -- Reach Out and Throttle Someone -- De-Faced -- Voluntary Drowning -- Cross Borne -- Pulled Up Hell's Sphincter -- An Arrow Up The Ass - The Numerous Violent Unbecomings of Olive Oyl -- Ack! Ack! Zap! -- Baby's First Acid Splash -- Chop, Drop and Sashimi Roll -- Forever Rafter -- Can't You Hear Me Now? -- Daisies Ways #5 - Harpoony Side Up -- Acid Dip -- On a Wing and a Prey -- For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed -- Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run -- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance -- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head

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I have a question! I'm looking into buying my Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 tickets (god I need a nap after writing out that full title) and am going back and forth, back and forth, over whether to bother seeing it in 3D or not. I can't decide! I'm leaning towards not - it was converted in post-production, right? - but I do want to EXPERIENCE this movie in capital letters so maybe I should just go for it. It's our last roundabout with the boy wizard, after all. And then they're showing it in IMAX too aren't they? ARGH! But it definitely wasn't shot in IMAX... but still. Oh what to do. I know, I will ask you people. What are you planning on?

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Go watch the new Harry Potter trailer, y'all.
Good god, I want this.

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... but I have to say there's something unnerving about seeing 

the tag-line "It All Ends" attached to my birthday. See them all here.

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--- Slow Show - I'm having one of those days where everything I read is making me angry. Take this tag-team take-down by the NY Times critics of a recent piece in the New York Times Magazine about how that writer can't stomach "slow" movies anymore. I agree with most everything Dargis and Scott have to say in rebuttal to this ridiculousness - although I got a little eye-rolly at Scott's insistence on bringing The Tree of Life into it, til he allowed for some wiggle-room for those of us that found that film ponderous for other reasons - but mostly it just made me nuts that the original article even got published in the first place. I get enough of a defense of intellectual laziness from our politicians, thanks very much. I thought I'd be safe amongst art critics. Shame is a lost art in this world.

--- Speaking of everything I just wrote, Slash rounded up a batch of "first impressions" of Green Lantern from Twitter, and I'm ashamed that I wasted my time reading them. Blake Lively is so hot with her brown hair 3D rules verbal barf kill me now!!!

--- Mutant X'd - Over at io9 they're offering a few reasons why X-Men Muppet Babies underperformed a little bit box-office-wise, including it's Michael Fassbender's fault for not being Hugh Jackman, and then  the first comment uses the word "funnest." I am just gonna throw myself off a cliff and be done with it. I have no patience for anything today.

--- Lil' Wizards - Okay, here's a palate cleanser via PopWrap - the first screen-test of Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint before the very first Harry Potter movie. Awwwww.

--- Fun Fact of the Day - I didn't know that the background sound in Dolly Parton's "9 to 5" song was her tapping her fake nails on a counter-top! Learn all that and more over at Low Resolution where Joe and Mark are taking on the Best Song category at the 1980 Oscars.

--- And ending on a happy note, here's some behind-the-scenes footage from Ghostbusters 2. Slimer puppetry ho! (via)

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