Anne Hathaway Catwoman

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Nat asked we TFE contributors several Harry Potter themed questions this week over at The Film Experience, and we answered them, and you can read both the questions and the answers right here at this link here. I came out the most pro-Potter, and I'm proud as a pickle of it! I don't know how proud pickles are but I got caught up in my alliteration. But there's an amazing In Bruges joke to be had at that link so have at it. God I need to rewatch In Bruges for the 20th time immediately.

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--- Ash Rises - Bruce Campbell's been confirmed to cameo or something in the Evil Dead remake or reboot or reimagining or whatever. That is a good thing. Very. BD has a couple quotes from the director Federico Alvarez that also attempt to head everyone's pre-panic off. Alongside Diablo Cody working on the script, these are all good signs for a project I never wanted to see happen, and I've gotta admit my abhorrence has leapt right past curiosity into I will most likely see this thing.

--- Cool Chick Alert - Speaking of horror movie cameos involving old horror movie properties stretching their limbs here well into the new millenium, Marilyn effin' Burns has a role of some sort in the latest Texas Chainsaw movie. Marilyn Burns! That's Sally Hardesty aka the final girl of Tobe Hooper's original film for all you no-nothings.

--- Tree Mama - Jessica Chastain, who looked lovely standing there while the movie whispered at her in Terrence Malick's The Tree of Life, is maybe going to star in a Guillermo Del Toro-produced horror flick called Mama. I've never heard of the original short film, but the same director's extending that to feature length. Twitch says the original is fantastic, so I must watch it.

--- Twas Beauty - Speaking of Guillermo Del Toro-produced horror movies, he's attached himself to a new version of Beauty and the Beast that is set to star the lovely Emma Watson. What, Beastly wasn't enough for him? Anyway I didn't even realize it until he came in he bathroom and gave me a thumbs up but Guillermo Del Toro apparently executive produced my bowel movement this morning, too.

--- Burning Hunger - I could just post the fiery motion poster for The Hunger Games movie, but I'd rather link to Nat's annoyed yelps at it at The Film Experience because they're amusing.

--- Oh Boy Wizard - Curious about what got left on the cutting room floor or what they never shot in the latest and last Harry Potter film? io9 got the word from director David Yates himself. It's been so long since I read the book I turned to the boyfriend after the film and was all, "I'd completely forgotten that Snape and McGonagall duel briefly!" Turns out they didn't, and that scene was added to the film. My brains, useless.

--- And finally, there's the new poster for 30 Minutes or Less, the bank-robbery comedy starring Jesse Eisenberg and Danny McBride, plus those other two I am too lazy to write all their names out this morning even though this sentence is taking so much longer god make me stop. How have I not mentioned this movie before, is my point? It's from the director of the spotty but fun Zombieland. Of course you know all this because it's written in gigantic letters there on the poster. Anyway word's good on this movie? It's out August 12th.

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I've obviously got to write something about the final Harry Potter movie here, but it's a hard time to focus these days. Every spare second I have I'm plowing through George R. R. Martin's A Dance of Dragons (I'm on page 738! Only thirteen thousand more pages to go!) and that's where my head is when I'm not completely unable to think due to A/C problems like I spent the second half of yesterday dealing with. NI haven't even written a review of Miranda July's The Future yet, for god's sake! So behind, so behind. Summer just kills my ability to function. Point being, I have no idea what I'm about to write but let's just wing it. This will be very exciting for all parties! Here are five thoughts as they come to me on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. Spoilers ahoy.

1. Okay I did do a smidge of preparation for this - EW's got a full-length recap of the movie up and I read though that. And it reminded me of one thing I'd forgotten - Harry Potter's supposed to be completely starkers in that post-Avada Kedavra "afterworld" meeting with Dumbledore at the white-light train station. Cheated! I'd totally forgotten that. I mean sure it was always a little weird, naked Harry hanging out with his elderly homosexual friend. But it was IMPORTANT. That's an even bigger slight then the lack of centaurs and house elves at the Battle of Hogwarts, or the absence of Luna and Neville in the post-script, I says.

2. Even though I started crying about a quarter of the way into the movie and was a blubbering mess by the final reel, I think they missed the mark a little bit with this movie as a whole. There were huge pieces I loved and little pieces I loved but somehow it never really clicked together as a full movie, I guess? It was more a series of periods and exclamation points, with a couple of questions marks tossed in for good/bad measure. Everybody was good, the film looked and sounded gorgeous, but the script could've maybe used some work. It felt a little bit rushed like they turned their eyes to the side of the soundstage and could see the guy swinging the keys ready to close up and they were ready for supper anyway so let's get this thing done already! One of the biggest problems for me is probably how insulated everything felt at this point - I don't think they got across the danger that the entire world was facing here. Everybody was holed up at Hogwarts and we hardly saw a single Muggle - they did give us a sense of this in Half-Blood Prince with the Millenium Bridge collapse, but a reminder was needed, I think. (Maybe I just wish there'd been more Fiona Shaw.)

3. That said, the Snape flashback sequence got me right in the gut. Rickman's youth-ening CG botox job was a little bit distracting - Trent Reznor got stung by a bunch of bees! - but they really managed to slam a lot of emotional bang-for-their-buck into that succinctly-edited sequence; Rickman has always been a stand-out of course but I found myself surprised by just how much I appreciated every second we got with him this time. The way he could draw out a syllable will never be equaled.

4. Also welcome was finally getting to hang out with Ralph Fiennes for awhile. Voldemort makes some abysmally dumb decisions (granted they're written off as a by-product of his soul being murdered piece by piece, and until you've had your soul murdered piece by piece you shouldn't judge, but still - you're really not gonna check Harry's pulse yourself there, V-man?) but Ralph squeezes every ounce of sibilant villainy there is to be had from the slit-nosed cretin. Bonus points go to Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix, who kept bouncing around behind him reminding me of those straight-jacketed monsters that hung out with the Gentleman in the "Hush" episode of Buffy. Her impersonation of Emma Watson's Hermione in the Gringotts bank-robbery scene was kinda mind-blowing.

5. Alright, I made it to five! I guess all that's left is to slather on some of the hearty gratitude we fans feels towards JK Rowling for imagining this world up and to David Yates and the other directors and all the immensely talented craftspeople who created the world over the course of eight films. At a certain point in the film that Twilight-belittling quote of Stephen King's popped into my head:

Snipe if you will, the studios and the publishers and the toy companies have made more money than they'll ever know what to do with, sure, but I do think that the fictional tale of Harry Potter has in its own little way made the world a better place. Personally, when I reflect on it as I did watching it unfold its final grace notes, it made me want to be a better person, to be a better friend. I know I'm not the only one.

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Okay everybody, this is it! I'm off for the remainder of my birthday - did I mention that it's my birthday? - to do birthday-ish things, as one does on their birthday, three whole days of birthday-ish things - hooray for Friday birthdays! - can I say the word birthday again? Birthday, birthday, birthday! Anyway poof, I'm gone. Y'all use this post to tell me what you think of Harry Potter of course! I'll be seeing it tomorrow, but I'm sure some of you guys have already seen it. Share! (Birthday.)

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I've gotten several emails slash notices this week about the sudden revelation of hotness by Matthew "Neville Longbottom" Lewis, which has amused me. Not because I don't agree that he's both very cute now and it was also sort of unexpected and sudden - granted, I really hadn't been paying attention - but just the volume of it. It was all over this week!

Course everything Harry Potter was all over everything this week. I actually saw hooded figures running through the subway last night and became afraid I was about to become part of some ritualized sacrifice until I realized they were wearing Potter robes and were way too nerdy to be scared of. (Bless their nerdy hearts.)

Anyway in honor of Mr. Lewis' torrent of tap-that-ass goodwill, we see fit to ask this here question. And I think we should apply this to either or, or both if you want to, the actors and the characters. Which of this trio would you slip under the invisible cloak with for a lifetime of loving (Marry, that is), which would just yank the wand of for one fitful night of Potterized passion (Do, that is), and which would get the cruel Expelliarmus spell right outta your life (Dump, that is)?

So let 'er rip in the comments,
ya bunch of filthy Deatheaters.

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Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007)

Of course we'd do a Harry Potter death this week, what with the final film out at Midnight (!!!) tonight. But which one, I asked myself. There aren't really that many on-screen deaths to be had. (You know, as opposed to all those other gratuitously violent kiddie stories - you know Christopher Robin was butchering people left and right.) We've already done the untimely (or timely, depending on your mood towards him) murder of Robert Pattinson's character Cedric Diggory in The Goblet of Fire, so that only left...

... but since I've already spoiled this here death of Sirius Black I'll not go naming everybody that dies. Just in case somebody doesn't know these things. I don't know. There are people like that. Weirdos.

Anyway, I picked the death of Gary Oldman's character, Harry's godfather Sirius Black. I picked it because I think that even more than the death of Cedric Diggory this scene marks a real leap towards maturity in the series with its acceptance of death's unfathomability. The deux ex machina of this strange doorway that the gang finds marking a one-way entrance into the world of death is one of Rowling's most poetic creations of all - it's infuriating in a way death is and should be shown to be. The line is so close you can touch it - you can reach out and there it is. But there's nothing that can be done. There's no coming back from it; no rescuing Sirius back. Once he's crossed over it's as if nothing and everything has changed at once, and the frisson is maddening. I can only imagine what this lesson was like for kids who were approaching it for the first time. 

On that smiley note,
happy Harry Potter weekend everybody!

Previous Ways Not To Die: Sunken Prayers -- Super Crack -- Brains Blown -- Fur For The Boogens -- White Hot Bunny Rabbit Rage -- Dragged To Hell -- The TV Van That Dripped Blood -- Don't Mess With Mama -- Heads Ahoy -- Martyred For Sheep -- Heads Nor Tails -- He Loves Me Knot -- The Great Bouncing Brad -- Miss Kitty's 8 Mishaps -- Boat Smoosh -- Meeting the French-Tipped Menace -- A Magic Trick -- Slick Suck -- We Who Walk Here Walk Alone -- Raptor Bait -- Kneegasm'd -- Dare to Dream in Fincher -- Reach Out and Throttle Someone -- De-Faced -- Voluntary Drowning -- Cross Borne -- Pulled Up Hell's Sphincter -- An Arrow Up The Ass - The Numerous Violent Unbecomings of Olive Oyl -- Ack! Ack! Zap! -- Baby's First Acid Splash -- Chop, Drop and Sashimi Roll -- Forever Rafter -- Can't You Hear Me Now? -- Daisies Ways #5 - Harpoony Side Up -- Acid Dip -- On a Wing and a Prey -- For Standing in the Way of Sappho -- Busting Rule Number Three (For The Purpose of Number Two) -- Daisies #4 - Window Dressed To Killed -- Hands Off the Haas Orb -- Bullet Ballet -- A Single Vacancy at the Roach Motel -- A School Bus Slipped Thru The Ice -- Trache-AAHHHH!!!-tomy'd - For Mel Gibson's Sins -- A Wide Stanced Slashing --- Daisies Ways #3 - Scratch n' Snuffed -- The Victim of a Viscous Hit & Run -- Curled -- Kabobbed -- Daisies Ways #2 - Aggravated Cementia -- Boo! Nun! -- 2009's Ways Not To Die -- Bug Scratch Fever -- Daisies Ways #1 - Deep Fat Fried in My Own Unique Blend of 500 Herbs & Spices -- By the Yard End of the Stick -- Screwed From A Very Great Distance -- A Righteous Bear-Jew Beatdown -- Fisted By Hugo Sitglitz -- Xeno Morphed -- Fuck-Stuck -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 4 -- Lava Bombed -- The Cradle Will Rock... Your Face Off!!! -- The Food of the Nilbog Goblins -- The Slugs Is Gonna Gitcha -- Phone Shark -- Hide The Carrot -- Sarlacc Snacked -- Avada Kedavra!!! -- Hooked, Lined and Sinkered -- "The Libyans!" -- Axe Me No Questions -- Pin the Chainsaw on the Prostitute -- The Wrath of the Crystal Unicorn -- The Ultimate Extreme Make-Over -- Drown In A Sink Before The Opening Credits Even Roll -- The Dog Who Knew Too Much -- Don't Die Over Spilled Milk -- Inviting the Wrath of Aguirre -- An Inconceivable Outwitting -- The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -- Nipple Injected Blue Junk -- Your Pick Of The Deadly Six -- Thing Hungry -- Don't Fuck With The Serial Killer's Daughter -- DO Forget To Add The Fabric Softener -- Any Of The Ways Depicted In This Masterpiece Of Lost Cinema -- Rode Down In The Friscalating Dusklight -- Good Morning, Sunshine! -- Mornin' Cuppa Drano -- The Cylon-Engineered Apocalypse -- Tender-Eye-zed -- Martian Atmospheric Asphyxiation -- Maimed By A Mystical Person-Cat -- The Sheets Are Not To Be Trusted -- Handicapable Face-Hacked -- I Did It For You, Faramir -- Summertime In The Park... Of A Pedophile's Mind -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 3 -- Strung Up With Festive Holiday Bulbs By Santa Claus Himself -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 2 -- A Vengeful Elevator God: Part 1 -- Decapitated Plucked Broiled & Sliced -- Head On A Stick! -- A Trip To The Ol' Wood-Chipper -- Pointed By The T-1000 -- Sucking Face With Freddy Krueger -- A Pen-Full Of Home-Brewed Speed to The Eye -- Motivational Speech, Interrupted -- A Freak Ephemera Storm -- When Ya Gotta Go... Ya Gotta Go -- Hoisted By Your Own Hand Grenade -- Having The Years Suction-Cupped Away -- Criss-Cross -- Turned Into A Person-Cocoon By The Touch Of A Little Girl's Mirror Doppleganger -- Satisfying Society's "Pop Princess" Blood-Lust -- Done In By The Doggie Door -- Tuned Out -- Taking the 107th Step -- Rescuing Gretchen -- Incinerated By Lousy Dialogue -- Starred & Striped Forever -- Vivisection Via Vaginally-Minded Barbed-Wire -- Chompers (Down There) -- Run Down By M. Night Shyamalan -- Everything Up To And Including The Kitchen Toaster -- Sacrificed To Kali -- Via The Gargantuan Venom Of The Black Mamba Snake -- Turned Into An Evil Robot -- The Out-Of-Nowhere Careening Vehicle Splat -- "Oh My God... It's Dip!!!" -- Critter Balled -- Stuff'd -- A Hot-Air Balloon Ride... Straight To Hell!!! -- Puppy Betrayal -- High-Heeled By A Girlfriend Impersonator -- Flip-Top Beheaded -- Because I'm Too Goddamned Beautiful To Live -- By Choosing... Poorly... -- Fried Alive Due To Baby Ingenuity -- A Good Old-Fashioned Tentacle Smothering -- Eepa! Eepa! -- Gremlins Ate My Stairlift -- An Icicle Thru The Eye -- Face Carved Off By Ghost Doctor After Lesbian Tryst With Zombie Women -- Electrocuted By Fallen Power-Lines -- A Mouthful Of Flare -- Taken By The TV Lady -- Bitten By A Zombie -- Eaten By Your Mattress -- Stuffed To Splitting -- Face Stuck In Liquid Nitrogen -- Crushed By Crumbling Church Debris -- Bitten By The Jaws Of Life -- A Machete To The Crotch -- Showering With A Chain-Saw -- In A Room Filled With Razor Wire -- Pod People'd With Your Dog -- Force-Fed Art -- Skinned By A Witch -- Beaten With An Oar -- Curbed -- Cape Malfunction -- In The Corner -- Cooked In A Tanning Bed -- Diced -- Punched Through The Head -- Bugs Sucking On Your Head

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--- Here & Back Again - EW has our first look at The Hobbit, y'all! Three pictures, including Tim I mean Martin Freeman as Young Bilbo. I wish some friendly lady hobbit down the way was being played by Lucy Davis, I must say. Tim and Dawn forever!

--- And speaking of Office-flavored things, as well as small-sized folk, the teaser trailer for Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant's new BBC2 series called Life's Too Short - about the "life" of Warwick Davis, famed little person - can be seen over at Twitch! The show's only begun filming and won't air til next year, but this tide us over til then I suppose.

--- Roll In The Hay - I just want to take this opportunity to thank Entertainment Weekly with all my "heart" for using this week's trilogy of covers to gift me with the fantasy of Joe Manganiello as a rugged, dumb farmhand wearing nothing but loose overalls. This will come in handy several times in the future, of this I have no doubt.

--- Crazy States - Glenn's review of Ken Russell's Altered States over at Stale Popcorn is quite possibly the most spot-on, "Yup, that about sums it all up!" review of Altered States ever written. God I love that movie.

--- Bush Whackers - BD has a few more details on the third flick from Oren Peli, director of Paranormal Activity, which is about Nature getting its revenge in the wake of a radioactive disaster. Or something. Sounds kind Long Weekend-y to me?

--- The Owls Are Not What They Seem - If you heard about that JK Rowling website Pottermore the other day and are curious still what the hell it is, watch this video at PopWrap where Rowling comes clean. Sounds fun, says the nerd!

--- New Statham Joint - A trailer for a Jason Statham movie without a shot of a shirtless Jason Statham in it is like a unicorn with its legs sawed off bleating for the bullet to end its pathetic life. Just sad! That said, in the trailer for his latest movie called Killer Elite (so 1994 straight-to-video) that murky underwater shot seen there to the left could be Jason, I suppose, the trailer implies it to be him, so we'll give it a pass until we inevitably watch the movie while folding laundry one future Saturday afternoon and find out if so. But what we will never forgive is the fact that Statham and Clive Owen are in a movie together and it's not a love story full of sweaty torrid liaisons.

--- Stone's Pride - Rumors abound that Emma Stone might be taking the lead in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which for a long while was a role that lay in Natalie Portman's delicate fingertips. I like it, but then I like the idea of Emma Stone taking any part. Every part! (Well except Mrs. Andrew Garfield. Lay off, lady! He's mine!)

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I have a question! I'm looking into buying my Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 tickets (god I need a nap after writing out that full title) and am going back and forth, back and forth, over whether to bother seeing it in 3D or not. I can't decide! I'm leaning towards not - it was converted in post-production, right? - but I do want to EXPERIENCE this movie in capital letters so maybe I should just go for it. It's our last roundabout with the boy wizard, after all. And then they're showing it in IMAX too aren't they? ARGH! But it definitely wasn't shot in IMAX... but still. Oh what to do. I know, I will ask you people. What are you planning on?

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Go watch the new Harry Potter trailer, y'all.
Good god, I want this.

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Bookish boarding school frizz?

Mia Thermopolis (Anne Hathaway) in The Princess Diaries, or

Hermione Granger (Emma Watson) in Harry Potter?

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... but I have to say there's something unnerving about seeing 

the tag-line "It All Ends" attached to my birthday. See them all here.

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Per my tweet last night. (via)

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