Anne Hathaway Catwoman

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Doesn't that look so much better than anything you've seen advertising-wise for the new Planet of the Apes movie? I swear, why won't studios let me run them, I'd make them so much money.

Anyway whoops forgot to mention earlier this week that I'm off today through Tuesday! I know you guys need a lot of preparation to deal with my absence - medication, over-sized sunglasses, and what some might call excessive foot bathing is involved - so I apologize for springing this on you so suddenly. Send me the medical bills, I promise to make myself a nest out of them totally care.

Alright smartassery aside I do have something for you - my weekly write-up of the weekend's new movie releases is up at Celebrity Beehive. There's nothing out this weekend that I much want to see (although I could probably be dragged to Rise of the Planet of the Apes for the air-conditioning) - we're just holding our breath for next Friday when Final Destination 5 comes out. HELL YES. Y'all have a nice weekend! I'll be back Wednesday.

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For someone who looks like this without his clothes on, Chris Evans can be a real dork sometimes, can't he? I suppose it's terribly old-fashioned of me to think dorks can't look like that without their clothes on, but it still feels unexpected coming from Mr. Evans. He was all swagger as Johnny Storm! But then a camera will catch him in a shot like the one above and you almost can hear the whisper of pocket protector against polyester-blend cardigan. It's a dichotomy that works well for him in Captain America anyway, even if I sorta chewed apart that movie and spat it out in my review. It does have good things to like about it! Quite a bit!

If you wanna hear a little more from me on Captain America, plus this weekend's other releases - Friends With Benefits, Another Earth (my review), Sarah's Key, and The Myth of the American Sleepover - then head over to Celebrity Beehive.


One movie I didn't mention there but is playing in NYC starting today is Rainer Werner Fassbinder's epically weird sci-fi flick World on a Wire, which I posted at length about here. Go see this if you're in this city! You will be amazed.

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If you ask me - and by clicking on a link that brought you to this blog you've waived your rights to dispute the fact that you have indeed asked me - there's been something really gross these past couple of weeks about Michael Bay and Shia LaBeouf's need to drag Megan Fox through the mud, hasn't there? I suppose expecting gentlemanly behavior from the purveyors of mindless robot snuff porn was my first mistake, but still you'd think they'd have better shit to talk, like how just massive their dicks are or something. Course I'm one of the only Megan Fox apologists out there, it seems. Ah well. Point being, Big Dick: The Movie is out in theaters as well as that one where Julia Roberts finally dislocates her jaw and begins eating up people left and right, and I'm talking these things over at Celebrity Beehive today, go check it.

I did mention yesterday that I've got today off from work but I didn't mention that that means I won't really be posting between now and Tuesday. Which it does. Mean, I mean. So y'all have a wonderful weekend cramming hot dogs into every hole of your body, in the patriotic sense. Peace!

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I didn't dislike the first Cars film as much as most people seem to have disliked the first Cars film, but if they are going to insist on making a sequel to it I can't imagine a less appetizing way to have gone than to have shifted their focus to the character played by Larry the Cable Guy. Small doses, dudes. Very very small doses! I'm taking Glenn's lead on this one because he and I saw pretty eye-to-eye on that first Cars film and he's seen the second one and sounds as if he wants to pluck out his own eyeballs in the wake of it, so I'll be avoiding. You?

Read some more of my thoughts on that flick and the rest

of the movies out this weekend over at Celebrity Beehive.

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JJ Abrams ode-to-Spielbergia Super 8 is here, hoorah! I've avoided reviews but the general mood seems positive...? Well we'll know soon, I suppose. For now, read up what little more I have to say on that and the other couple of movies coming out this weekend over at Celebrity Beehive. I get to namedrop "pinochle" and "lanai" in the same sentence, yo. I'm ecstatically geriatric.

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For this week's piece on this weekend's new movies at Celebrity Beehive, thanks to the release of X-Men: Muppet Babies, I was given the opportunity to do something I hardly ever get - mention Michael Fassbender. Imagine that! I also get to use the phrase "manly cerulean pelt," so keep your eyes peeled for that one.

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But that ain't gonna stop Kristen Wiig and Co. from trying, and man I hope they succeed!

I haven't bothered looking up box office predictions for this weekend, let me just cram hot needles into my eyes first and then I'll get to that favorite thing of mine right after that, but I've seen some chatter about Priest maybe doing well...? God, no. Who wants to see that thing? it looks so bad. There was a hot minute when I first heard about it, and Karl Urban and Cam Gigandet joined Bettany in the cast, that it sounded good on paper. But then I saw Legion, and then I saw Priest's trailers, and it just looks absolutely dire to me. DIRE. And no doubt the glimpse of him shirtless that you see in the trailer seen there will be the extent of it. They played me that way with Legion too! Fool me twice, shame on us all.

And Bridesmaids looks so good! And it's getting terrific reviews! Why would anyone on Earth choose post-converted-3D vampire-dreck over a retching Melissa McCarthy? I can't even comprehend it. 

Yadda yadda, head over to Celebrity Beehive where I speak upon these two films and all the other coming out this weekend.