Anne Hathaway Catwoman

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By now you've probably heard that Jake Gyllenhaal will be guest-starring on the season premiere of Bear Gryll's "fun time in the outdoors" show Man Vs. Wild on July 11th on the Discovery Channel. (Set your Tivos!) They'll be taking on the wilds of Iceland, apparently. Now I've only seen a minute or two of Bear's show before - usually the more ridiculous clips that The Soup highlights - but I've seen enough to have several possible scenarios instantly cloud up my brain wherein Bear could show Jake all about roughing it. Not that Jake's a stranger to huddling up in a pup-tent, of course, but let's take a look at the scenarios all the same, eh?

Constantly Getting Naked - Bear Grylls has never been confronted with an obstacle in nature that can't be met head-on by taking off all of his clothes. If you think the fact that they're gallivanting around in an icy wintry setting is enough to keep Bear dressed, think again.

Getting Peed On - I don't know if there are jellyfish in the freezing cold waters of Iceland, something tells me there aren't, but maybe they'll find one in a hot spring beside a volcano! Or maybe Bear will just pull one out of his rucksack and throw it on Jake's face at some point. I don't care how it happens. (Now I couldn't find an example of this actually happening on MVW, but taking into consideration what's to come, let's just set aside those doubts.)

Drinking his own pee - Speaks for itself, I suppose.

Never know when you might get thirsty.

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Wearing his own pee - Okay, so apparently this is water-sports heavy. I cannot help these things! It's just the way the cookie's crumbled. Take it up with Bear. Urine, like nudity, solves everything!

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Salt Water Enema - Oh dear this has turned out 

all sorts of wrong. Nature's such a pervert!

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Point being, I hope you brought some protection

from the elements, Jake. Lots and lots of protection.